


Waking

by the_genderman



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 08:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16930224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_genderman/pseuds/the_genderman
Summary: My very first attempt at MCU fanfic, written July 2016 and rescued from the depths of Tumblr. Bucky's hit a brief snag in his recovery, but recovery takes time and effort. Just gotta keep on keeping on.





	Waking

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, July 2016. I was extremely new to the MCU, didn't know a whole lot about anything, but did I let that stop me from writing this tiny little ficlet? Nope. Taking it off Tumblr and transferring it here to preserve it. It may not be great, but it's significant in my fandom history.

Steve woke abruptly. It was still dark, faint moonlight from the window the only light. The room was small and plain; slightly off-white walls, one standard single bed, one fold-a-bed tucked against the opposite wall, a table, and a set of drawers. A hospital room trying not to look too much like one. He sat up and paused to let his eyes adjust. Glancing across the room, he saw Bucky perched on the edge of his own bed, scanning his surroundings.

“Bucky? Is everything ok?” he asked.

Startled, Bucky turned to face him. “Where am I? What’s going on?”

“You’re in a hospital in Wakanda,” Steve explained. “You’ve had a rough few days since the doctors were able to remove the command book codes from your brain, but they say your recovery seems to be going as well as they could expect.”

“Why don’t I remember any of that?”

“They said that even with what they were able to do, your brain would take some time to heal from everything HYDRA did to it, that there might be temporary memory loss as it rebuilt the connections.”

“Liar!” Bucky snarled. “You’re trying to get me back in. I’m done! I want my life back!”

“This isn’t HYDRA, it’s a hospital. You’re a little disoriented, but you’re safe here, trust me,” Steve pleaded.

“I’m not crazy! I want you out of my head!” He stood up and stalked to the middle of the room.

“Alright,” Steve rose slowly, trying to look as non-threatening as possible. “I’m just going to turn on the lights, ok?” He reached for the switch.

“Don’t touch that!” Bucky’s fist smashed into the light switch.

“Ok, no lights. Can we at least sit down and discuss this?” Steve dodged as Bucky took a swing at him.

“No, I do the talking, you answer me! If this is a hospital, where is everyone? Why is is just me and you? Who are you _really_?” Bucky interrogated as they circled each other warily in the narrow floor space.

“This really _is_ a hospital; there’s no one in here with us because yesterday you punched a doctor out. Collectively, _you included_ , we decided that in the event that you had another episode, I should be the only one in the room with you. That I’d have the best chance of bringing you out of it –” Steve faltered as a punch connected with his jaw. “– And the most willing and best able to get hit while doing so. I’m pretty good at taking a punch, remember?” he said with a laugh.

Bucky hesitated. Steve used the opportunity to duck behind him and pin his arms in a bear-hug. Bucky fought to break free. He pushed backwards, knocking against the side of the bed. Steve stumbled into a sitting position, pulling Bucky with him, but he didn’t break his grip.

“Please, listen to me.” Steve said. “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes but you go by Bucky. You were born in Brooklyn in 1917. I’m Steve. Steve Rogers. We grew up together. We were in the Army together. You know me. I know you know me. Now I need you to come back. I won’t lose you again. _I can’t lose you again_.” He felt Bucky stop struggling and un-tense.

“Steve?” He whispered.

“I’m here.”

“What did I do? The fact that you’ve got my arms pinned makes me think I did something.”

“Nothing permanent. You thought I was HYDRA, said that you’d never go back, punched a lightswitch, and then hit me in the face.”

“Oh, God. I’m sorry. I really accused you of being HYDRA?”

“It’s nothing. Your brain’s healing, something triggered a flashback. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“But I still did it. I still hit you!”

“Like I said, I’m good at getting hit.”

“I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but it doesn’t change what I did. And I know what you’re going to say next. The fact that I wasn’t in control of myself doesn’t change _anything_ that I’ve done. I remember more from my time as a HYDRA assassin than I do from before. There’s pieces in here,” he nodded his head and gestured towards it, “but it took time for me to put them back together; I had to relearn my own _life_!” Bucky snapped. 

“Yes, but you don’t have to do it alone. I’ll always be here if you need me.”

Bucky laughed. “The way you’re talking, it almost sounds like you’re in love.”

“Maybe I am,” Steve replied quietly.

“Oh. … Really?”

“Yeah…. I should probably let go of you now, shouldn’t I.” Steve relaxed his hold.

Bucky reached up and gripped his arm, stopping him. “I don’t mind,” he said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I may have memory loss, but I think I know this at least this much about myself.”

Steve lay his head against Bucky’s shoulder. “How long?” he asked. “When did you… figure this out?”

“I can’t give you an exact date, but I think I was 15 or 16, something like that.”

“Me, too,” Steve smiled. “But I never knew you felt that way about me.”

“It was a different time. It just wasn’t talked about”

“No, it wasn’t…” Steve yawned. “Speaking of time, it’s late, or early, or something. You need to sleep, let your brain heal. I’ll get back over there.” He gestured to his bed and tried to maneuver around Bucky.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Bucky grinned. “You can’t drop something like this on me and then just leave. Come on.” He patted the mattress. “If you don’t mind being right up against the wall, I think we’ll both fit.”

“But what will–”

Bucky cut him off. “Oh, who cares what they think? Do _you_ want this?”

“Well, yes.”

“Then get back up here and hold me.”

“As long as you try not to have any nightmares that end up with you hitting me.”

“Deal.”


End file.
